Sunday, May 23, 2010

Metablog: A Blog within a Blog

So this is a fictional blog/Facebook entry that I wrote a while back. I posted it on several other sites, but I thought I might share it on here as well.

Again, I do use a lot of profanity and possibly offensive terms in this one. So, if you don't like that kind of stuff, I'm not forcing you to read it.

This piece is actually not a spontaneous creation. In fact, it was inspired and written for a Alternate history/Future timeline that a friend wrote.
Any feedback is appreciated. Enjoy!


Chen Aoyun is bloody tired- 22 hours ago

Blog Entry 3

Another "exhilarating" workday. Every time I enter the grey drab concrete monstrosity of a building, I die a little bit more inside. Each ten hour shift stuck with that surly old tobacco-chewing asshole Li, that annoying brat May who never shuts the f**k up about the latest celebrity gossip and that lame-ass gangsta wannabe Choy; I come closer to the conclusion that I would have been happier shovelling cow shit and busting my ass to harvest two grains of rice in the crappy little backwater village, my parents had left for the big smoke.

In case, I haven’t introduced myself yet, my name is Chen Aoyun (blame the Beijing Olympics, Alcohol, karaoke and Jay Chou for that name) and I’m 23 years old. I work at the PLAICC Headquarters in Foshan. Due to a shortage of qualified technicians living in Foshan, I usually wander in between a few departments. I work mainly in censorship and blogging surveillance; occasionally I dabble in online banking security and identity protection. Sounds quite boring, don't it? Imagine how I feel.

The hours suck and as I mentioned before the coworkers are bloody irritating. After the rent, food and the bills, I have just enough money left over to buy toilet paper, and not the nice scented quilted kind but the cheap crap, carpenters can use as sandpaper. None of the chicks think this job is cool and the last time I had sex was at last years Chinese New Year party when I got drunk and supposedly got down and dirty with Mrs Huang, the lunch lady. I still can’t live that down.

Communist propaganda tells me that the PLAICC is doing an honourable and patriotic service for my motherland and my people, that we’re making the internet a safer place for the Chinese. It’s a humbling kind of message when I know most of my colleagues spend most of their work time deleting thousands of hardcore porn sites featuring Albanian midgets with donkeys and Nigerian scam sites selling Namibian penis growth pills infused with Chinese ginseng.

So for those who are reading this, I’m sure you have the same question in mind that many of my friends have asked me before, why am I working a job that I feel so miserable in?

Well, the thing is, that my father was a soldier and I wanted to make him proud, so once I finished my college degree, I enthusiastically signed up for the PLA. Not having the speed, strength or balls to become a proper solder, my application was rejected. Wanting to save face in front of Mum and Dad, I went for the next best thing and so I applied for the PLAICC. I was relieved when I got the job, I could tell my parents especially Dad, that I was now working for the army (technically). And now I’m just working hard to keep them quiet and to keep the place I’m living at albeit being pretty damn horrible for 1550 yuan a month.

If you’re not familiar with what the PLAICC is, it’s the information protection branch of the military. It’s full name, The People’s Liberation Army Information Corps of China. Pretty impressive isn’t it?

It was formed after some pro-democracy protesters managed to hack into the CCTV’s system and replaced the Hu Jintao funeral and eulogy TV broadcast and website videos with “Three Guys, 4 Girls, 2 Cups, 1 Camel” Being born only a few years before Hu died, I didn't think much of him. But I understood the reaction and uproar. His name and image was screwed over in such a disgusting way, that riots were inevitable and because the broadcasts were from CCTV, CCTV offices all across China were damaged or burnt. The punks were never caught and it made the government realise that even with the Great Firewall up, internet security was still really weak. So the PLAICC was set up and unfortunately from the looks of the crap we still have on the net, progress is a long way away.

And frankly, my enthusiasm for the job waned a month into starting (I've been at the job three years now ). There’s just so much of the same cyber shit to wade through and so little time or energy to do so. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out before I lose it. Also, I’d never thought I’d say it, being raised in such a patriotic household but maybe the CCP should just step aside and give in to demands, it’d make our jobs a lot easier as well. I don’t just have to deal with spam, porno and inane blogs, it’s beginning to get really tough and saddening to look at “Death to the Han”, “Death to CCP Supporters”, “Free Tibet and Uighuristan”, “Free China” and “Go to Hell and F**k Yourselves, Han” day in and day out. Every day I arrive home with a numbing headache and a greater sense of emptiness.

Anyway sorry for venting, I know Facebook is more a happy happy fun place. I could get fired (or worse) as well for saying this kind of stuff, I better stop here. Wishing everyone a Happy New Year by the way, I hope all goes well for everyone.

Peace, Aoyun!

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