Saturday, May 22, 2010

In 2010, Integrated Chinese Learning Level One Textbook presents a cool new funky Chinese hero...

I've always been a sucker for Chinese or Asian heroes in film or any other sort of literature. In a world of William Hungs, Long Duc Dongs and Ken Jeungs who flash their tiny dicks in Hangover movies, film heroes who beat up the evil gweilo have been vital in affirming my racial/cultural pride. I know it's not right to use the term "gweilo" nor so to assume that all whiteys are evil, but don't blame me for that. Blame pre-Hollywood Jackie Chan and Jet Li, blame Donnie Yen and other Chinese action film heroes who made period pieces with evil white men in them.

My film and literature based pseudo-racism was so bad at one point, that I actually wanted Jet Li to kick Mel Gibson's ass in Lethal Weapon 4, despite him being a cold-hearted evil motherfucker.

So I find it incredibly surprising that the newest Chinese/Asian hero or role model I've been exposed to, I rather heartily dislike.

If anyone studies Chinese at uni and uses the Integrated Chinese learning series as your reading material, you might know who I'm talking about.

There is this character in there, called Wang Peng. He is originally a Beijinger, but is settling into American college life. In the very first chapter, he meets an American (white) girl called Li You (her English name is Amy Lee). It is love at first sight, for Miss Lee anyway. There is no chapter in the book where she is not either with him or talking about him. She fawns over him, I usually would say such a crush is sweet, but it's rather kind of sickening.

"Oh you're so cool, Wang Peng"
"Oh you're so handsome and tall, Wang Peng."
"Wow, Wang Peng, your handwriting is so beautiful."
"Wow, Wang Peng, you're so good at Basketball."
"Wow! Wang Peng, your dick is so big! Fuck me in my tight American virginal pussy!"*

Wang Peng is such a smooth and sexy character, I even reach over for a satisfying cigarette** after reading about his adventures. Also, if you noticed Wang Peng and Li You's personal names together form the chinese word for "friend", just as another sign of their lubby-dubby nature.

As a consequence, I actually feel sorry for the white guy this time and that's no mean feat. Gao Wenzhong (A decent transliteration for Winston Gore) gets the shaft in this book, he's whiny, passive-aggressive and oh-so effiminate. He also wears a ridiculous tweed jacket everywhere he goes and his crush on a Korean exchange student Bai Ying'ai (Baek Yeung Ae)*** who seems to have more intent on fucking Wang Peng instead. He get's no action, he's only in 3 chapters of the 10 chapters (whereas Wang Peng is in or is mentioned in all of them) and he has the worst of luck in introducing his sister Gao Xiaoyin (Jenny Gore) to that sexy motherfucker Wang Peng. She probably jacks and sucks him off in the Level Two series of the textbooks and workbooks.

Don't get me wrong, we probably need more Wang Pengs in books and movies.
Hell, we probably need more Wang Pengs in the real world. He's cultured, polite, helpful, fit and he knows how to treat the ladies well. Maybe I dislike him so much because he is the Chinese man I desire so much to be, yet fail ever so slightly to be.

Anyway, I'll leave my rant there, before you all accuse me of being insane for reading so deeply into a simple language learning book.

PS: I apologize profusely for the profanity, it just slips out sometimes when I write.

*This part is actually not in any of the textbooks or workbooks. Maybe in the Level Two or Three series.
** I don't actually smoke, in fact, I sort of loathe smoking
*** Li You (Amy Lee) better watch out, she has some competition. She better learn some self-defense, unless wants some jealousy taekwondo to her face.

No comments:

Post a Comment